Infernal Affairs

As predicted The Departed won the best picture and for that I am happy because it proof that asian movie are just as good as Hollywood.But I am sorely disappointed when they say that the Departed is an adaption of a Japanese movie which is wrong.It is from Hong Kong and one of the few movie that is my favorite titled "Infernal Affair"

I think I already talk about this movie but you know what.That movie change my life and maybe because it closely resemble myself. I was in awe of that movie. It doesn't matter whether it was the first time I watched or the hundredth time.It still capture me as it was the first time I saw it.It was the most brilliant movie and I instantly become a fan of wong kar wai. I even bought the dvd which is rare for me.

The pure sadness reflected in tony leung eyes and the intricate fragile of human emotion and the beautiful yet sad background music will surely entrance everyone heart and mind.

Shoujo manga

I'm telling you I am addicted to shoujo manga.How could a girl settle for less when there's story even though not real that is so compelling and plus gorgeous guys!

Currently I like reading Bride of the Water God. Hahhaa that is the pic from that manga.

we all need a little romance. *winking*

Last night I went to movie to see music and lyrics and it didn't dissapoint me.It's been way to long since I saw Hugh Grant movie.I enjoyed it immensely.Drew Barrymore did a very good job.Not to mention the song are catchy and when I come back I instantly downloaded both song.

Well I know the review for the movie isn't that great and it isn't that kind of deep movie but it is sweet. And I like that kind of movie the most.It wasn't striving to be deep endless love. The combination between Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore is weird at first but since both are self-deprecating sort of people and klutzy and clumsy it just goes so well

The movie is basically about an 80's po,Alex that can't write song and basically are fading into background and in order to rebound he needs to write a song "Way back into love" for a famous pop artist.Along the way Drew who work for him who is a natural lyricist started writing a song together.

And of course they all have bad love history and of course they get reunited at the end. Watch the movie if you want something light and easy.With that I leave you the video "way back into love"

p/s: and seri pun suka citer nie!!!!!!!!!!

In one day, how could something be everything and nothing at the end?

I'm a voracious reader. I read anything I could get my hand on and I especially love heart wrenching fiction.The one about love,friendship,memories basically slice of life type.So one day I come across my sister's resume.

Because my sister used to be an editor for a publishing company,in her resume she had to write about something.It's a beautiful tale about her childhood friendship.

I can't write exactly like my sister.She is far more talented than I am in writing.I am writing based on what I remember.

"When I was a kid we used to live in fireman quarters and basically there were other children too.In the neighborhood my brother and I are famous for being mischievous.So one day come a girl, and I become fascinated with her.You see unlike me who is tomboyish and have this naughty glint in my eye, she wear skirt overall that is famous in those days and she always have ribbons tying neatly and at first I despise her because she represented the typical weak girl.However as time passed by something happen between us.We become closer.If you asked me how,even until today I can't give you the answer to that.I supposed that the factor of me being annoyed with her that drew me closer to her.It was because she is different than me. We become closed that we have our own meeting place.It was by the well in the back.We thought at that time we are always going to be together forever.Even though forever is such a long time we still think that growing up is far away and being separate from each other is even farther. But then the talk of moving to a new house come up and finally it is decided that my family are moving. I couldn't accept it at first and thought it was a lie. But on the last day, she and I was at our usual place,She was bending and scraping dirt with a stick when she look up to me and said " Efa don't be sad,even though we're not close anymore we'll always be together" My heart was choking and the sun seems the shone 10 times brightly than it ever has and the light fell upon her pretty face that make it seems almost angelical.Finally my dad called me to the car and right before I my dad drove off I wind down the window and put my head out and said "I know" "

You see I never had this kind of friendship and I am envious of my sister for having such sweet memories.I wish you could read what she wrote.It was better than what I wrote.All I wanted what this kind of friendship,I never wish for something more and I guess the thing that you want most you can't get.

I remember my bestfriend Aida telling me " Jurai it's not like I don't like making new friends,it just the parting part that I hate" I made a promise to her that she would never be the one who call but it would be me and even though I don't write her letter or call her as much as I want to but I wanted her to know that she is my bestfriend and the most important person in my life as a friend.

We have our own hard time together and every friendship need to go through it,but when it comes I expect my bestfriend to understand that what I did is not to hurt them but to test them by how much they understood me and I am pretty cruel when it comes to testing but when you letting yourselves to trust I think it is forgivable to act that way. Aida comes through it and there was Jana too and things come full circle.What matter the most is when somebody didn't make it,I appreciate the time they spend in my life.I honestly do.

For this week I pick Bruce Springsteen "Secret Garden" I have always love the song especially the lyrics

p/s: It is Nabilah's birthday today. Happy Birthday Nabilah!

why do we feel the thing that we feel?

My brain has been brainwashed over and over again to distinct the way I wrote sentence.I feel or I think?The word think show rationality,conviction,reasoning and I prefer to use it. The word feel refer to instinct,bias, and too much emotion than what I like to reveal.

Sometimes I think about why I feel something is it appropriate or was I just being emotional and without reason..Can you think about what you feel or you just come to the conclusion you don't know why you feel like that but you just do. I somehow cannot accept the answer is like that. Especially, I mean obviously the way you feel involves other people.People will be affected by what you feel and you are affected too. Feelings is connection between two person. Thinking only requires yourselves and the conviction you make don't include people into the equation. You treat people as part of variable and how it affects you. With feeling how people are feeling instead of you.So the importance is stressed on other people which is weird since human are self centered.

When you let other people into your lives,you let their fate intertwined with yours and so is your heart. You start letting them having lunch with you, sitting on their bed,just sitting together watching tv,sleep with them and such thing. In the back of you head you remember that this is just but a thin thread....but at that time you rather forget about it. But in order to receive warmth you force you heart to be brave and open itself with all the fragility but your heart is content with that and what else the mind can do?

love in the air

happy valentine day

Gong xi fa cai

Ah the chinese new year is ushering. It will be on February 18. The year will be pig.Do you know what year are you born? Well I was born in the hour of the ox,the month of the pig and the year of fire rabbit.Hehehe how I know this? When I was kid I often went to Buddha Temple and get the reading..and to get the reading accurately you have to know what time you were born and such thing like that.Heck even my schooltrip includes trip to temple. From Snake Temple,Kek Lok Si Temple to some random temple in ipoh that has the biggest Buddha figure. But I like the best is Kek Lok Si.It's gorgeous and I remember when I went there it just stopped raining and the view is gorgeous with stairs spiraling and balcony that overlook mountains.[The picture next is Kek Lok Si in Penang]

I like chinese new year because I can get red packets from my relative,friend's house and from my neighbor too.I like the sweet and sticky candies that they serves. and I especially like the delicacy that my grandmother used to make.It is actually for Kitchen God for him to bless the house for the next year but I love stealing bits of it. Hehehe. But the tiring part of chinese new year is that you have to clean up the whole house but at dinner you can eat all the best things Dinner are very traditional dishes,they don't serve shark fin or anything like that.For that you have to go to the formal dinner later on which is on the 7th day where all relatives far and close get together and it is actually where each human age by one year officially and there will birthday celebration where you tossed salad..

And plus my neighbour always going to invite the traditional chinese dancer and there will tarian naga which is super fun because there's going to be firecrackers and the wacky character that wear big mask..

And on the 15th day is Chap Goh Mei where if you are still single you are going to throw mandarin orange into the ocean while praying that you are going to meet your husband soon.My convent school gives holiday on this day because it always coincided with Easter.Oh and on the 9th day there will be offerings to the Jade emperor.

Haha you must be thinking like how the hell I know this?I just basically grow up with Chinese all around me when I was a kid and there is chinese in my family.and with that I'm wishing everyone a very happy chinese new year,may all luck and prosperity be upon you.

p/s: How about trying to find the reading for you this year?

Grateful to somebody

I'm glad things turn out so well. I guess my luck is back.... I am grateful to my lab partners for being such a wonderful person and I was so impressed by him...that it makes me think that if I was in the same place as him would I act in the same way? I doubt it....I wish there is more to what I can say...All in all I still can't believe what happens.

After worrying for almost a month and yes I do get sick to a point where I throw up and I always throw up when I worry about something...I remember throwing up right before taking spm results.Hehehe. Horrible of me...

Looks delicious kan?

I made the sushi over the winter break....

Listen to what she is saying...

It is horrible enough what she is saying but the people that laugh along her is more horrible. There's a saying that " The evil person is not the one who is doing it but good man and woman who watch it" I find this video utterly brainless, embarrassing but that is the typical act of Malaysian actor/actress which is uneducated,arrogant,claimed know about Islam when they actually don't. They are senseless and combined with acting that is horrible eventually something like this will happened.

Oh yeah if you go to youtube and read the comments on this video you can find somebody tell other people that we should just forgave this woman since everyone makes mistakes. In my opinion before we forgave we need to chastised her for acting and speaking without rationality.She should know she's on air and everything that she said reached public masses. This is not her first time on air and even she is mad being reprimand for dating a younger man is this the way of older wiser woman should act?Even it is so easy to forgive should we forgive bush for bombing Iraq? for killing Palestinians?He can say that oh I don't have enough information at that time and in the moment of heat I decided Iraq should be bombed.

ahhh it's snowing

It doesn't matter how much you see snow... the first time it snow will always be fascinating. It makes your heart skip a beat...and the child inside you creep out and you stare at the window looking outside,watching the snow fall and you just stare at magnificent white snow..It's magical...

I'll post some pics maybe tomorrow...

Numberless

I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times,
In life after life, in age after age forever.
My spell-bound heart has made and re-made the necklace of songs
That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms
In life after life, in age after age forever.


There's more to the poem but I like the first part. It's by Rabindranath Tagore.I think the title is Numberless.I'm not sure..

a cup of coffee

I like what he wrote...

a cup of coffee

I was asked by a friend, how it feels like to know that you're gonna live off your whole life with a certain person that you love?

Well, I don't exactly have an answer for that because basicly im not married, but I do have someone attached to my heart and I love her only god knows.I gave that friend an example of something else instead, something that's easier to imagine, something that's much simpler , something of what I would do if im gonna live off my life with a certain person that i love.

I said - imagine that you're having a cup of coffee at your favourite bistro, or cafe, or anywhere. Then suddenly, you thought of going home.

Now ... when you're single, it is likely that when you think of going home, you'll have this heavy feeling of weariness. (almost the same feel when Monday approaches on Sunday night).

That's because, there's nobody at home to expect you and you're all alone. And in the midst of everything else, you got reminded of your undone laundries, your unmopped floor, your cold hard bed, and basically everything that kills your mood of wanting to go home.

And because of that, you hoped that your coffee would not be finishing so soon, to spread the time thin.

But when you are living your life with someone you love, the feeling would be completely the opposite. You know that someone's gonna wait for you at home... to have dinner with you, to watch TV with you, to talk to you and always there to share your thoughts with. There's this warmth that makes you can't wait to finish up that cup of coffee ... because it's time to go home

That's the best description I can ever come up with.


and maybe that is why whenever I went to starbucks, my coffee is the last one to finish....

Intention

What is my intention for doing something? What drives you? What makes you do something?At first it seems so clear. The reason I do things because it benefits me.Most of the time my action is a calculated one but it seems these days I do things spontaneously and I am afraid where it is going to lead me and I keep falling deeper and deeper.I know the things that I do will hurt me even more but even so I keep doing it.

I am trying to find an explanation on why I do what I do. So I went different path trying to get the answer. I realized that I can't barreling through life being ignorant when there is so many question I have unanswered. I thought that by learning philosophy I might discovered something,maybe I can learn something from the Greek,from the age of human and I realized they're all talking the same thing going in a circle. They can't answer my questions. I feel more restless than before.

So I thought the more tangible path will bring me answer. So I learn economics and even though I love it that much it doesn't answer my question. I think the most important principle in economics is everyone do stuff that benefits them. You have to keep this in mind in everything that you do and answer in question. For awhile I adored Milton Friedman.I thought that everything could be explained logically.What a foolish thought.

Recently someone that I like get sick. So I did something for him but before each action that I did I question my intention. For what reason am I doing this? Is it for my benefit? I know that each time I am doing, I making it harder for myself but I keep doing it? So was it to my benefit? But what if there is improper intention? What if I can't bring myself to admit it? So I thought long and hard... and I finally just think to myself that I can't let somebody that I care be sick and I can't pretend that I don't care when I care. It is so cold to do something like that and foolish to pretend otherwise. So I did do the stuff with knowing that it wouldn't benefit me...and there is no reason why I did it.I can't forgive myself for that. I already set expiry date for all of these but until then just a little bit more time for me...Kant used to said that the noble things to do is when you do it under obligation and not under what you desire. In my case is it obligation or desire? Was my action noble? or was it stupid?

Well anyway,I think the song that fits this week is by Regina Spektor "Fidelity"

aaahhhhh

If you stop liking someone doesn't mean that you don't care about them right? Or is there left over feeling? I am not sure which one is that right now.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time, man wasn't what we are today. In the past we have 4 legs,4 hands and women and men are joined in the body.But the Gods think that the human is too powerful and so they separate human into what we are today. The woman go to east and the man go to the west. So all their life are spend looking for their other half. It makes them weak looking for their other halves. The heart trembles and sometimes they doubt it that are they going to meet each other. The one who believes enough or by luck meet their soulmate. But the unlucky one spending their life unknown that somehow someplace exist a soulmate.

I almost forget this story,well it's not true since it is only a Greek man telling while drinking wine.In fact I read this story from Plato erotic dialogue.Yep the name of my blog.It's about love and how each of them define what true love is. Perhaps that is what my blog is about.Trying to understand what love is and what is true love.I know the end of this story and I got an A for the paper that I wrote about it.Hehehe not trying to be boastful but it is interesting read,the book I mean but only if you have someone to discuss it with or else it will be rubbish.

Do you believe that you walked past through your soulmate and yet never knew him and yet the people around you are link to him? What if he was always there? In the same bookstore you go?There is so many ifs.

i want to buy a house here

My collection of perfume

You see I have a long life time collection of perfume. I don't buy every perfume that I like. I like to wear what I have until it is finish and then off I am go trying to find another perfume that attracts me.

My first perfume was when I was 7 years old. I remember that my auntie gave it to me and my auntie always smelled so good. She gave me Versace red jeans because she think that it smells too young and vibrant for her.She prefer something more oriental.So there you have it my very first perfume and I still have the bottle at home.That bottle last a long time because I rarely used it since I was still young but I remember spraying at my exercise book and it smell good for such a long long time.

My second perfume was Clinique Happy. It was when I was in form 2. I remember seeing it ads in Cleo and it smells so good that I often open the pages in the middle of the night and the smells was not fruity not calming,it's lightly floral for daily use and I remember thinking yes this is what happy will smell like. My sister received it as a gift and I used it.Hahaha.

My third perfume was Hugo Boss Aqua.It is a men perfume but it smells so good and last for such a long time I become hugely addicted to it.I mean you could spray it in the morning,don't take a bath for one whole day and the next day after you shower you still smell the perfume subtly. Everybody think I smell so good without realizing it is a men's perfume. But seriously it is a strong smell and if you think you can't handle strong bold perfume I don't think you are going to like it.

My fourth perfume was Calvin Klein Be.I know most people only know Calvin Klein One.But CK be has its own attraction.CK one was promoted as be a group,unity and stuff like that be. But CK be is a sensual,intimate statement and it is subtle,you have to be close to smell it and once you smell it you will never forget it.It grows on you and everytime you smell it on other people,just like what I did,I will try to inhale it once again.It's a tonic musk that is clean and fresh. One of my favorite perfume beside Versace Red Jeans.


When I went to mrsm, basically all my perfume was finished and I don't have time to look for another so in a moment of rush my sister gave her perfume. Christian Dior Dune.I think you must be thinking why the hell a 15 year old girl wearing CD? I thought so too. The smell is I have to say I don't like it but it is an acquired taste. You don't necessarily like it the first time you wear it but the trust me the smells will grow on you. I think all Christian Dior perfume is like that.I would describe dune as floral.Hehehe but there's something more to it.It's fresh,subtle, serene and trust me if you smell something awful you just need to smell the place you spray dune and all the awful smell will be gone.I have to say Dune is also sensual in a light way.

After Dune finished because there is only a little bit to it anyway, my uncle gave me a perfume.It was Gucci Nobile for men. Hahaha it seems I always like men perfume. The perfume even though it said for men it was spicy,fresh and light. I still think it is the most light and spicy perfume I ever had. I checked the price just now because I was looking for its picture and it gave me a shock Σ(O_O；)!The bottle cost 100 dolar for 1 oz and my dear friend that is expensive.Oh wait Dune was expensive too.100 dollar for 100ml.But Dune was not originally my perfume so that doesn't count.

After Gucci,I was attracted to something that is clean and fresh like it. Fresh doesn't mean citrus fresh to me. Citrus is a scent that I could never carry and smells good at me.So it was with great difficulty that I try to find something like that. Most of the perfume people wear was either floral or fresh and sometimes oceanic. But I need fresh without smelling like citrus or fruity. Then I smelled Issey Miyake L'Eau D'Issey Eau de Toilette.and I fall in love with it. Yeah I know somebody said that if you want to give a snobby girl a perfume gave her this. That is just not true.It is a simple perfume and the bottle even though is a simple design but unique.The smell is refreshing and light. L'Eau means water in french and so that the name of this perfume perfectly describe it.

The perfume that I wear on my freshman year in college I bought it right before I check in. It is Miracle by Lancome. It is sweet rose smelling and it is intoxicating. Try layering it with body wash and cream and you will smell good all day long.I would say the smell is romantic because of rose,sensual because there is a spicy note.I definitely love it but it finished too quickly because I often used it.After this perfume I return again to my old perfume which Red Jeans. Hehehe I wear it again because I love it.It's casual.

In the middle of my sophomore year while waiting my friend to buy his perfume,I accidentally bought Perry Ellis Reserve. It was because its on promotion.Well actually you should never bring me to a perfume shop because I will buy something every time!Reserve I usually reserved for night use.My perfume is all in floral family category and this was no different.It is soft blend of floral,exotic woody type and sensuous and warm.I rarely used it unless for formal occasion because I don't know the smell gives me that kind of impression.

And so we have come to my latest perfume which is Jadore by Christian Dior.Look at the ads and what kind of impression would you get? Wearing Jadore and even the name itself suggest that it is deeply sensual,totally feminine and yet remain contemporary. It has a deep underlying floral that comes from orchids,roses and violets but on top of that is freshness that comes from tangy mandarin and ivy leaves and subtle muskiness that comes wood and musk.The smell captivates you and the first time I wear it when I go to sleep and wake up the next morning,my pillows smells like Jadore and I still smelled of Jadore.Wear it if you want to leave a lasting impression.Hehehe.

So there you have it,10 perfume from I was 7 years old.So for 13 years I wear perfume I have 10 bottles. SO that would means 1 bottle for a year.If I die at 50 years old I would have 50 bottles of perfume. (^ ^) I haven't had any Chanel perfume so I was thinking I want to buy one of it next time.

i remember something

I read it once somewhere.It's from an excerpt from maybe saints Justine

"Dear God,I dream about us walking at the beach and sometimes I see 2 sets of footsteps and during the most difficult time I only see one set of footsteps which is mine?Weren't you there to help me God?" and God replied " When you're in difficulty I was the one who lifts you"

and I am going to post this one little story to help me forget about something.

Once upon a time, there was a teacher and his student lying down under a big tree near a big grass area. Then, suddenly, the student asked the teacher,

Student: Teacher, I’m confused, how can we find our soul-mate? Can you please help me?

Teacher: (Silent for few second, than he answer) Well, it’s a pretty hard and easy question.

Student: (Thinking hard) Huh?

Teacher: Look on that way, there are a lot of grass there, why don’t you walk there but please never walk backward, just walk straight ahead. On your way, try to find a beautiful grass and pick it up then give it to me. But just one.

Student: Well, ok then, wait for me. (Walked straight ahead to the grass field)

A few minutes later

Student: I’m back.

Teacher: Well I don’t see any beautiful grass on your hand.

Student: On my journey, I found few beautiful grasses, but I thought that I would find a better one, so I didn’t pick it up. But I didn’t realize that I’m at the end of the field, and I hadn’t picked up any. Because you told me not to go back, so I didn’t go back.

Teacher: That’s what happened in real life.

What is the message of this story?

* Grass - is people around you
* Beautiful Grass - is people that attract you
*

Grass Field - is time
*

In looking for your soul mate, please don’t always compare and hope that there will be a better one. By doing that, you’ll waste your lifetime, cause remember “Time Never Goes Back”.

Life gotta get moving

This is what I am buying this weekend.