I marvel at the greatness of Obama's speech. I'm incredibly grateful that I have lived in US before.

Here's his speech's transcript. He is indeed a great orator.

And just a reflection, that has been reflected by the Times, it's the education that brought people out from misery.I believe in this concept wholeheartedly. But the idea is still not fully comprehended by people.Here's the article that reflect on both Obama and Michelle's upbringing.

and know this,

"When you acquire knowledge, you acquire something no one could take away from you"

My favorite hero

My favorite hero is Jose Rizal and Leftnenan Adnan.Yes that's my favorite hero. I was fascinated with Rizal because he was a polyglot and yes both of them has this classic good looks that I love.Both stories does not end well.It does not end well when you're trying to protect your country. When I was in standard 3 I remember crying reading an article describing how Leftenan Adnan died.He was bayoneted to death and his body was left hanging for a few days. Jose Rizal was shot execution style by the Spanish in Philliphines.

Like I said, Jose Rizal is a polyglot and he can speak 23 languages I think and on his last night, he wrote an untitled poem, then fittingly titled by taking the first line of the poem "My final farewell" or "Mi Ultimo Adios". At this time, where Palestine are being attacked by the Israel and turmoil Malaysia facing,it is only fit that I post a few lines from his poem.

"
Farewell, beloved Country, treasured region of the sun,
Pearl of the sea of the Orient, our lost Eden!
To you eagerly I surrender this sad and gloomy life;
And were it brighter, fresher, more florid,
Even then I’d give it to you, for your sake alone.

My idolized country,sorrow of my sorrows,
Beloved Filipinas,hear my last goodbye,
There I leave you all, my parents, my loves.
I'll go where there are no slaves,hangmen nor oppressors,
Where faith doesn't kill,where the one who reigns is God,

Goodbye,dear parents,brother and sisters,fragments of my soul,
Childhood friends in the home now lost,
Give thanks that I rest from this wearisome day;
Goodbye,sweet foreigner, my friend, my joy;
Farewell,loved ones,to die is to rest."

And that I dedicate to the civilians in Palestine that died unjustly.

Personal views

I think it's a pity that I can't expressed freely my convictions, my preferred ideology for I might risking my employment if known. What a pity. I hope that someday preferably soon I have courage to admit freely in my blog, in my words even if quoted that I do believe in something and stand for it.

I don't know if others feels the same way. We're all afraid to be viewed in certain light. That we might look unfavorable.

I just want to stress the fact,even if I strongly subscribe to a certain views I am respectful or your opinion whether I might agree with you or not.

It's funny how insecure you get when you're older. You lost that brashness ,become so tactful that no wonder in a 10 years we're all facing middle age crisis.You're losing the sense of you are.You can't express your convictions. I guess that's why there is this quote,

"Everyone when they're young are a democrat, and when they're older they're all a conservative."

Statistical Possibilities

Okay, how would you feel if you are currently have 25% chances getting hired by a certain company? Isn't that terribly exciting and yet very scary?

I just realized that when I look through the email and considering the chances based on interview time per time each interview. Yeah I know I'm sort of crazy to do the statistical analysis on each of my interviews. But it's just a way of motivating myself to do better.

Anyway, this weekend I have a terribly busy schedule. I don't know if I can be punctual on all of it.

p/s: I didn't write anything for new year. or have resolutions or any thing like that. I'm not going to summarize my year either. Yes friends sorry for not updating as frequent as you might like...

I think pregnancy is excruciatingly painful. You have all these morning sickness, discomforts in sleep, either you eat everything or being picky and choosy.

And today, I saw my sister lying on the floor writhing with pain after consuming nasi lemak with sambal after days of vomiting and I thought,"OMG, I hope I don't get pregnant anytime in the future".

She went to the emergency room and I'm still waiting for the updates.

Humorous contact

Recently, a thing of suspicious nature has recently happened to my family which has caused to me contact a private investigator. It was signed by me, the suspicious in laws.

To my surprise when that person returned my email, it goes like this;

Dear client

My charges are RM2,000.00 being the initial down payment to commence work. After initial investigation and once I have information, I will report to you where you will need to make further payment for the gathering of evidence fee like taking photos, videos etc which is another RM2,000.00. All investigations under me are hired for 2 days. Anything beyond that is subject to negotiation of subsequent charges and the geographical and complexity of your case.

Hope this answer your question.

Thank you.

Regards

Mr. Private Eye

I just had a good time laughing when I see that he signed it with Mr Private Eye. So there you goes...and if you do need the service of PI, it is going to cost you 4000.

venting out

Okay, I think I'm one of those people who just love sharing gossips with my very close friends.It's fun but none of it I think were taken seriously. Gossips is only supposed to be taken at face value and it's just a way of us dishing our psychology 101 theories. Yes I know bitching is a bad thing. I feel bad whenever I do it.

So as we all know, Eid Adha is this weekend... and so since the last time my mom saw her grandchildren was in October when we sent off my brother to airport, my mom was inviting my SIL with her children to celebrate with us. Yeah we don't celebrate Eid Adha that much but my mom was simply using that reason to see her grandchildren. But my SIL has to be an absolute bitch about it when everytime my sister called her to ask does she want to come back,if so my dad could pick her up since she neither have a car nor can drive currently.

You know when somebody voice turn irritable right? They have this kind of dissatisfaction voice quality. She has been living in her uncle home for the past week. I feel sorry for my niece and nephews because they don't have the word "STABILITY" in their life at all. I think honestly, she just enjoy my brother money and spending it like water while my brother is slaving off over hot sun in Dubai. I mean my brother is soon 36. His birthday is the end of this month. How much longer can he work in that business.It's tough okay managing construction site.

I have this bad thought, that oh well maybe my brother should just divorce her but the problem is my brother in the first place has made the wrong choice.His type is like that,girl from kampung, don't work and will raise sort of traditional family environment. This is the type that most guys want. Let me tell you first hand. If you think it like that you are sorely wrong! She has insecurity and when people don't have exposure they have this very sort of closed minded view.Everything is threathening. So even if my brother divorce, it wouldn't solve a thing.

But yes I feel sorry for my neph and niece.Now my sisters,dad and I just get tired with all this drama. We have long decided to cut off our communication with her. Yes we know we're punishing the kids at the same time but till my brother come back there's nothing more we can do. We feel sorry for mommy when she wants so badly to see her grandchildren. But in my family, there's 2 block..one is the emotionless and couldn't care less which is us girls and our dad. My brother and my mom belong to the more sensitive block.

Okay, so I feel better now that I've let it out.Phewwwww.......

I want to do YOGA

It's ridiculous how the Malaysia government banned yoga which is a form of exercise and maybe used to be some kind of meditation that Hindu practice.Oh wait yeah they were practiced by Hindus monk and the west adopt it after seeing it actually do wonderful things to our mind and body by meditating early in the day..

Of course Islam too have this kind of meditation, which is actually concentrating your mind on a single thought for a period of time.It's called being khusyu *did I spell that right?* during praying.

I don't get all this law on banning YOGA! For god's sake that is the most silliest thing I have ever heard in my entire *insert expletives here* life.

Reasons yoga banned because there's some praying and words at the beginning that might sway your akidah and makes you Hindu,its worship the sun and a bunch of bs reason gives by the JAKIM.


Honestly, I hate any form of exercise and anyone can testify to that statement.I fall asleep at yoga. But this makes me want to sign up for a yoga class just to break the law. Practicing it doesn't make me any less Muslim I think, because even if I'm not the most religious Muslim out there I know it's not affecting my belief.

If you're going to outlaw yoga, you might just catch every single Muslim man and woman out there dancing the night away, not praying Friday prayer, drinking away in clubs, cohabiting. One more thing people who sing Indian song during Indian movie. I honestly, remember at the beginning of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, they were singing this kind of religious song the "Om Om jagedai". Forgive my poor Urdu speaking skill. Why don't they just round up all those Malay people who sing it while watching. Oh yeah why don't they say Shah Rukh Khan is an infidel because he definitely sing it! Yeah!Lack of respect to God. But nooo my stupid state leader even gave him a Datukship.

Yeap definitely a biase in executing this whole "I'm a better muslim than you are" regime.

restlessness

I don't think I can ever settle down in a place...well not now that I can be sure of. I keep accepting or actually looking for jobs that bring me to some remote place. Voluntarily isolation I think.

My sister thinks I am crazy to actually ask for job that requires me to be in a far far,remote and exotic places. She said I always do kamikaze things like this. Well sure I think I was being a bit reckless but I need to do that for my sanity.

Just like Fiqa mention in her blog, that she wants to keep the bubble and I desperately fighting to keep my bubble as well.

So in the next 2-3 post I'll probably be writing somewhere deep inside a jungle or in the middle of somewhere open spaces.I'm not going to tell where yet.It'll be a little secret for a few weeks or a month or two.

Here to my next adventure and perhaps one day, my restlessness spirit can finally settle down on a place,on a thing. Till then, have a good month everyone!

Currently my favorite song to listen is 'If I were a boy" by Beyonce. It just sound so sad and sentimental and sad and sappy kind always appeals to me that much..

I find I'm listening to it at odd hours which add more to melancholic mood. Anyway I'll be in Kuantan for the weekend.

So Long

My favorite author,Micheal Crichton recently passed away. I read the first book, Rising Sun around 7 years ago and from that moment on I was his fan. His fast pace thriller,coupled with politics analyst just makes unable to stop reading his book.

Oh well I shall be missing his book very much and I will start to collect all his book from now on but I would drop the Jurassic Park and The Lost World book because dinosaurs just does not interest.

Change

Yay! Obama won the election. I'm soo glad.Quoted from Times “If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible, who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time, who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer,” said Mr. Obama.

If the American can accept a black man to be a president where 40 years ago they were still being lynched,hunted and killed,why can't we moved on too?

The things that you own

I know there's a saying that the thing that you own end up owning you. It's true.Everything that I own or collect comes from a lot of consideration and I lovingly buy them. Every single piece of my clothing,my handbag and my shoes and especially the stuff that I collected during my travel means a lot to me.

It saddens me to great extend that the things that I collect or own is being mistreated.One of my fridge magnet broke today and nobody in my family admitted to it. It cannot be replaced. I don't mind people borrowing my stuff as long as you respected it.My stupid nephew break the arm of my nutcracker and I feel like breaking his arm. I love my nephew but I love my nutcracker even more. I know it sound bad but that is what I'm feeling.I'm just sick of seeing my stuff being treated like this.

Is this the fate of everything that I own? I'm sorry that I bought them now because people don't appreciate their values. I feel like taking all of them back and keep in my boxes where they will be safer

Selamat hari raya

I was promising myself that I am gong to update the blog after raya,well here it is..

Surprisingly after waiting for 4 years to celebrate raya with my family and having all those traditional expectations...it was a flat raya. I think the anticipation of raya in the states was greater and the raya itself was meaningful.

Wake up in the morning by takbir and lies down listening to it thinking,is this it? My brother and his family celebrated raya in Johor considering his MIL is no longer alive and so to accompany his FIL he spent the raya there.My newlywed sister also was in Penang with her hubby leaving just me and my elder sister..

So all of us decided to go back to Singapore after going to my nenek house. It only takes 2 hrs ++ to go to Singapore but the traffic in Tambak Johor was simply a bitch. We were stuck there for 2 hours.

The overwhelming feeling of my cousing who suddenly growed up and dressing 20 years older throw me off balance. With the new minted cucu sedara. Yes I am already a nenek level in my mother side just put me in my place that after 4 years things do change.You thought things stay relatively the same but nooo,staying in US is like staying in a time warped kind of thing.

Suddenly my cousin is like a machine baby factory that keep on churning babies. Their husband cheating on them and bla2. And you don't even have to be ugly for your husband to cheat on you.It makes me goes is there any reliable men out there?It seems the new disease that infected Malays men is the impossiblities to be loyal.I leave that another time for discussion though.

The first raya we went home around 3am after late supper.Very usual.I don't manage to capture people sitting behind truck in baju raya this time.It seems people are getting richer and can afford cars on mass basis nowadays :(. No longer a familiar sight.

Second day was slow, we went to my grandfather,grandmother and mak long graves for a visit. It was quite somber. I never met my grandfather and looking at his graves I wondered do we share traits or relationship unknowing to me. After that more cousins home to visit until late at night and we took supper near Esplanade and seeing the new track of F1 races.

Third day was spend solely on shopping in all my favorite places. Bargain time I supposed. And that was how my raya this time.I hope next time would be better but I doubt it.It would be like this for the next 4 years or so considering we're all leaving Malaysia again soon.

just a thought

You know with all the things Malaysia has currently going through I can't help it but follow through it. During this time, I saw a theater ad about the great Tun Dr Ismail. It just made me googled about him and found out what a great person he is and if its possible I am going to performance soon and I'm booking definitely his biography book. And a quote wiki provided just touch me very much

" Why did we fight for Merdeka? So that the different races can be divided? That can't be the way, right? That can't be why all these great Malay and Umno leaders fought for this ... Something is wrong... I hope the new discussions will start. Why are we building Malaysia? What Malaysia are we building? What kind of symbol is Malaysia supposed to be?"


It saddens me to think that after 51 years of Merdeka, we're still struggling through the same issues back in '69. I don't want people to call me a bigot.Malay and Chinese have so much suspicion towards each other that I feel perplexed by it. I never honestly feel that way about other races. You have what you earn and unfortunately that doesn't work in Malaysia. I wish that if someday I have children, then I am promising you that kid will in fully in multi cultural lives with no racism in their bone and be totally upheld in morale and full of conscience.

My favorite time of the day

I love watching rain, especially when it's in the afternoon. I can just sit on my desk facing the window and just look at the rain droplets for hours. Today I watched a Thai movie, called Change. It's a fantastic movie. Just the type that I like. Funny,soothing, melodious and have a great music composition. At the end of the movie, there is a song with a lyrics that I really like


Be patience when it's raining,
At least it makes us see the difference,
When the rain is gone,the sky is bright and make us realize,
How precious is the day we've been waiting for....

Isn't that just lovely...?

Hmmmmm

I am confused which one to pick and I only have less than 24 hours to decide....you see I got 5 different options to pick

1. P.A to HR director
2. Supply Chain exec
3.Staffing Exec
4. R&D engineer
5. Hoping I will be successful in the Schlumberger interview?

Yes so which one will I pick?I'll update all of you soon...and please wish me luck on the Schlumberger thing

accident!

For the first time in my life I actually experienced an accident and no I was not the behind the wheels,it was my dad. It was so fortunate that the boy was not injured or got any scratch, just a little bit bruised.

But it was shocking to see the motor rolled twice and hit on top of the boy once.It was such a slow motion movie watching it happened. My niece was sitting with me. My dad rushed out.We just picked up my sister from her workplace. I was wearing my cutoff jeans and simple tshirt, thinking omg should I just rush? but my concern overcame my sense of fashion and in the middle of the road at 5ish pm I helped the boy. It was so relieving not to see any blood.

Just to be cautious, we bring the boy to hospital twice to do an x-ray and send his bike to the shop.I have to say my sister and I was really bossy.We took over the whole incident and decided what next to do. When we went to the first clinic, I was going into the patient waiting room checking on the boy and dressed as I am, I feel so inadequate meeting a family with the woman wearing jilbab. Embarassing indeed.*Lesson: always wear something good!*The clinic doesn't have x-ray so we decided to go home first,my dad want to pray solat asar.

My elder sister was backed from Muadzam and with my other sister, she send the boy to the general hospital to do x-ray. It was funny really, we were waiting for so long and the doctor look at him and said oh he's fine and just give him the general medicine with things to reduced bruising and that's sort of thing.

He was on his way to go back to Merlimau, which is quite far away. My brother in law and I tagged along sending him back to his home.We were all quite afraid actually to send him back thinking omg what if his parents scream and lunge at us? I mean this is Malaccan people okay? We are not known for being polite and reserved! So actually things goes really well. We were laughing and chatting all the way and also make jokes and talk really stupid stuff.

On his way home we passed the Medan Ikan Bakar and we invite him,hey since we're on the way should we stopped at eat? But the boy get really embarrassed and so we didn't eat.When we get to his home, his mom mistaken us for perhaps his gf.But then my BIL has to break the fantasy by saying " No, nie orang yg langgar dier" or in malacca dialect" Tak,nie orang yg langgau dier".His mom expect it was one of us, and again we said" Tak, ayah kiteroang!".But really the boy was really sweet and polite and his mom as well! We told him to come by to our home anytime since now we're all bonded after spending 5 hours together.

I have to add this one little thing, the boy was extremely cute! hahaha and my sisters all become so gatal.isk isk!Anyway accident is a bad things and should be avoided. Lucky in our case we have gain a friend.

What gets you into trouble?

By not being honest to yourself...

I think the things I hate the most staying at home is that there is nobody to turn and talk to. I miss my friends very much and even if we meet it is only at surface...and that saddens me to great extent because you can't catch up for only a few hours and sometimes I do want to talk more but it's uncomfortable to talk about it...

feeling blues again

I am feeling melancholic again...and I don't know what should I do...There's nothing to stare at...

Yet again I have promised myself to change.I will lay out the plan for my life tomorrow...

Please God,let me have a little bit of happiness and hope.