the things we want in life

Is it possible the things we want so badly we kept away from it? I think it is true....Well some of you might counter it by saying we should always go for what we want. Tell me isn't there a moment before you leap you look ahead what going on? There's a moment of coward before there's courage.

Sonic if you're reading this, this is a moment where I envy people the most. Sometimes I am envy of people who make decision on a whim. They aren't afraid of the consequence and no matter how stupid they are for not thinking ahead I applaud them for making such a brave decision but that doesn't mean I don't chastised them.

For me life is planning. I don't make decision on the spur of moment and my decision is made as late as possible. Everything in my life calculated and the reason I procrastinate is because I know I can afford it. For once in my life I wish to be free like a butterfly flying from a bud to a bud on bright shining spring. But I can't. That is why I love fall the most. Fall is the beginning and also the ending.Some might say spring is also the beginning and ending. True but we love to remember spring as beginning than ending. Fall even though the beginning we love to think as the ending. While summer and winter is in limbo.

I just received the most devastating news for this year and it blows my mind.Suddenly all the things that happened to me this year seems so insignificant. I am so afraid for what is coming ahead. I am so afraid that statistic will be true for that person. I wish all the happiness in the world for that person. Suddenly I feel very bad for not behaving properly for that person all these years.I wonder what I can do for her? That person is my sister and I adore her the most in my family.