never really good at

I don't think I'm good at saying goodbye or changes...

Like seriously..I am missing my old co-workers and my old job so much. I miss my desk, my telephone, my suppliers and everything about it.

If it wasn't for the stupid boss and the stupid rules they practically forced people to follow I wouldn't leave it.

I missed having my favorite colleague just a desk away gossiping about things and do fun stuff with my SAP system.

Even worse, the guy I am replacing in my new job is leaving today and he was so nice and I am so going to be miserable on Monday without him.

It's like a HUGE challenge to re-navigate yourself again in a company. Where you fit at? Can you settle problem?

I got this very high expectation on me and they're all thinking that I can solve the problem or am I the only one feeling this way?

But I know I can't turn back because that is already my comfort zone. I need to get better and just hoping I believe in myself enough that I can make it work.

Oh gosh, I hope I make it through next week.

showing up for life

I've never been a big fan of non fiction books or the self help book.

To me, when I read, I read to escape.

Until I pick up a copy of Bill Gates, Sr "Showing Up for Life". That book touch me on so many level compare to the New Earth that supposed to shook people up to core.

It talk about the very simple point in life and makes me want to continue showing up for life.

I mean it's not a coincidence that I am involved in many of the various projects at works. It's because I care enough to show up and do the work involved.

I believe in certain values and things and as I go out of the bubble it's getting harder to stick with it. But I like to believe it's worth it to stick with it.

new year

okay I know it's been like super long time.

I haven't been doing any resolution for quite a long time

but i feel that this year I need to set a goal.

I'm saving money so I can go on a trip. I need it to keep my sanity and to say I still I have some adventure spirit. It will be a one person road trip and I'm looking forward to it.

Not exactly backpacking though( I cannot not have comfy flight or hotel)

So Beijing here I come in October!

101

I think this piece here is a good read .

I think I did the right thing during my college years. I took Chinese, read Plato and various other philosophers, go through great novel of literature such as the Great Gatsby, A River Run Through It, human sexual psychology and economics aside from my technical requirement.

These classes allow the other side of me who borders on what if, to ask question without guilt, that's it's okay if I think in this other way.

I get to chat with people I won't normally chat to knowing their life path would be different than I am.

I remember sitting outside waiting for a calculus class to begin on a rainy Friday afternoon while striking conversation with this two girls waiting for Classic history to begin when we chat about the concert we saw. Suddenly, I have no idea what we're talking about but she come up to me and show her tattoo right at the middle of her breast bone. I was shocked but it was fun all the way because college is about that.

We say hello at the hallway frequently after that.

You see if I stuck to the straight Malaysian student path, I wouldn't meet these people neither learn or read or know these stuff. That is why I so miss the experience of being there.The whole energy.

I went to theater, joined demonstration and get involved.

So, I like America the best although currently with issue of Islam overheating there, I know they will get through it.

Being in the US have taught me so much, open so much possibilities that I couldn't believe that they could not get over this.

Itching for Zara

Can I say I super miss having access to Zara?

I want to get my tops at Zara because they're so nice,cotton and usually have 3/4 sleeves.

That is the only thing I don't like about Malacca and just now I saw my favorite company has opening and I am so itching to apply to it because that means I can be around my store and restaurant..

But that would also mean that I'm gonna have to move back to KL which I am not sure I wanted.

Third party

I love my job. I love what I do.

It is absolutely sick that people would actually call up the other person and spin a tale.

I get heartache thinking about people misunderstanding me. And really you shouldn't send a message like that without investigating anything. Now that you did, everything changes.

I'm not sorry that I did such a fine job and I'm sorry if you're not performing to the par. But do not use me as a cause or reason for what you did.

If you just focus on things that matters, we will all be far better.

Working life sucks because of people behavior and not the job itself.

I shall recitate what the New Earth told me " Do not let it affect you"

Can't believe I found this

Okay I was bored and pathetically I was missing Vandy and off I go opening their website. I remembered couple years ago that a picture of mine landed in the Vandy's website and was curious whether they're still using it.

Guess what? It's still there. Gosh I think this was back in freshman/ sophomore year.

To think it's still there after all these years. Ina and Anas has already gotten married since then.

It's funny..

Nowadays, all I'm doing sitting in my office, looking at spreadsheet and coming up with report and calling suppliers which I'm okay with . It's the politics I hate. I hate getting dragged into it.

I hate being compared and especially being compared to something that's fake. I hate that. I'm sitting in my chair and just remembering these words that if I just concentrating on doing things right,the money and success will come soon.

I like my job and I like what I do.

End of this month, my friends and I will do some hiking and I hope that I'll survive it. I'm no biggie fan of any physical activities. Except for the reason that I love my friends and want to spend time with them, there's nothing else that drives me to do that. Absolutely nothing.

p/s: I just got my very first car and the thought of committed to it scares the hell out of me. I guess I am an adult right now whether I'm liking it or not.

p.p/s: Will do something useful tomorrow instead of rutting at home!

Through the misty road

First, thanks to people who's still reading this blog( you know who you are) . Made me still wants to write.

Do you know what I enjoy the most when I go to work? The drive. I like driving through the woods(behind my house, still an undeveloped land) . It get misty and nice in the morning and I rolled my window while driving very slowly and have a nice song turn on.

It makes me feel better every time ,any day. That's why I love working in Malacca. Because I have the time to do things like these.

I can watch sunrise, driving through my favorite road where rows of old huge trees lining up the street and inkling of sunlight filtered through the leaves.

It's absolutely amazing.

If there's loads of cars, I can just go people watching or building watching.

While I'm at work, I also do people watching and it's fun because even if go to production meetings, I am not expected to say or explain anything further and I can just watching cute guys talking or those cherubic Japanese walking by me. Absolutely fun making them flustered!

I just get sheer joy watching them putting their thoughts into words and I can just sit there and stare at them and like " oh so cute!" Like miniature Ultraman I think.

When I drive back home, I try to get back before it's dark because the clouds behind the hill is amazing. It's like super huge and dark and just calming to me and I get home through the curvy road.

I like taking the long,scenic road. It pleases me that I can do that now,freely.

Even at the huge cost of missing my friends. I guess as much that I like city,I do not like congested city like KL. I do prefer the easier laid back life.

Having that said, I don't think I'll ever move back to KL unless something happened.

I can't seem to put a title on this post.

I've been missing on writing far too long and I am not as articulate with words as I was before.

All I know that I still can't get over this Vandy bubble and you keep missing your friends and everything about it that it can drive you nuts sometimes.

Probably it was the best years of my life.

Work has kept me busy even to stare at computer for even 5 minutes.

I've no idea whether I should keep this blog anymore and who's reading it anyway?

Idealism

I am not the most practical or realistic girl..I am quite an idealistic girl with my heads in the clouds.

I get inspired when I read article on freedom, I get sappy from reading Modern Love column and my heart ache when I read or watch other human difficulties.

I do believe in pursuing my happiness and not be afraid of taking chances.

But sometimes, somehow along the way....I am bounded by different things. May it be family,responsibility or work.

But it just take courage and avoid cynical thoughts.

Selamat Hari Raya

Without noticing, it is already been my second raya. We're all blue this year. First time we had a theme. Unfortunately my eldest sister couldn't be with us.

I was not excited for this Raya as I thought it would be boring to be home alone. But it has been a sweet raya. I got in touch with my old school mates back from convent days. Some are married..some are engaged..while some is still looking.

Life has been engaging and I'm happy spending time with my friends all weekend. I do think we live in a bubble protecting ourselves. But I'm fine with for now.

Patronizing

The things I hate the most is when someone patronize me.It frequently happened in shopping mall and most of the time specifically at the beauty counter.

Recently we went to looking for perfume and of course taking blotters from all over and finally stopping at Guerlain. In my opinion, I do not like the smell of it. Heavily scented flowers,overpowering and overwhelming. Then appear the obnoxious lady.

Lecturing us when we come looking for perfume, we should have a goal..not randomly taking blotters. and then telling us Guerlain is suitable for young women like us.Excuse me for not agreeing with you.Then she proceed with lecturing us with the perfume properties. Hikmah told Zaty that the Champ de Elysees have a sweet smell and she said it's not sweet.

Does it occur in your mind, that we know about the three different notes and the different type of materials used to build. Plus the way we experienced things is subjective. Forgive us for not showing a more sophisticated approach but we're not there as a perfumer. Merely, a customer looking for a perfume..

We do not remember every single perfume smells like,hence the blotter purpose.

Not keeping up

Everyone I know has not been faithfully keeping up with their blog.

Truthfully, I am feeling it as well.

For me it is simply because I value my privacy and time I've spent with my friends and see no reason why I should disclosed it..or it could be that I am writing too much nowadays that the last thing I want to do is write about my feelings or thoughts in my personal hours.

So,that is all I have to say.

My first public work

I just found out that my first CSR report has been published and available online and hard copy.

Next, the UEM and if there's luck UMW is coming next.


I don't know if you want to read it since it's long but what the heck here's the link

Life comes at you fast

I always had a good time watching the ads by the insurance group with the tagline life comes at you fast.

Yet, I never thought there will be a day in my life that it happen that way.

I can't sleep at night thinking about the responsibilities. That my whole life would change. The pieces of my life no longer fits nicely in a puzzle. It's scattered and subject to change.

I absolutely have no idea what will happen and it terrify me. For once, I do not anticipate the future.

I guess this is what they meant when they say grow up.

First,my vandy bubble was broken and now even my safety secure lifestyle is altered.

Patience

I really think I don't understand the concept of patience when somebody is mistreating you.

Patience while waiting for others yes.

But why should I kept mum when others treat me like shit.

I really don't understand it at all and it bothers me so much.

What the hell is actually we're being patience for? I for one,do not see any reward when people mistreating me and I am being patience with them.

Gross National Happiness

I know I haven't been exactly faithful in keeping with my blog but life has been oscillating between interesting,okay and terrible.

Working has caused me to appreciate what little time I have with my friends and my family. I enjoy spending time with my friends and funny thing we actually enjoy nature far more than going to movies. To date, we have went picnic and mandi air terjun for 2-3 times.

I think I am like a nomad on the weekends and sometimes even on weekdays because I either sleep at Min,Dayah,Hikmah and Zaty place or my family home. It's refreshing to be with people who know you for who you are. There's no wall of pretension and I value that. After role playing day in and day out, an away time from those is really precious.

After a year of graduation, I think that happiness is the most elusive thing of all. How do you measure happiness? You get caught in the rat race. You go to office every single day and clock out at 6 if you can. You're numb and tired. In my current job, I write about how company measure their KPI's (Key Performance Index) and it make me think how do I measure my own?

And reading how Bhutan changed a country measure their performance from GDP to Gross National Happiness is inspiring.It may not seem practical, but the idea is great.

They said the pillars of a happy society involve the economy, culture, the environment and good governance. It breaks these into nine domains: psychological well-being, ecology, health, education, culture, living standards, time use, community vitality and good governance, each with its own weighted and unweighted G.N.H. index.

I think that if the government care about me, they too would do something like this. Because nowadays everyone is living in their own superficiality. I consume the things that I don't want because I feel a need to purchase to replace this emptiness in me. I buy things that I know that I don't need because it means at least I get something from working. That shouldn't be the way.

I am young still and so I'm still looking at the possible ways to overcome this. I think everyone at some point feel this way.

my ears just turn red

Okay, I'm just a wee bit piss of at this one guy.

I answered the phone with the usual customary, morning me from[insert company name], and who is this?

and that guy have the nerve to correct me" who is this please!"

well you know what fuck you.

I'm not some receptionist that need to scrape down the earth waiting for you and you don't have to correct me in that I'm so above you, you bastard.

and it's not like I have to say please every time when it is polite for YOU to introduce yourself when you're calling the person. Learn the basic etiquette of calling first, before you want to correct me. asshole.

ruin my stupid monday morning.

You are cordially invited

Anyone up for breakfast in dome on weekend?

I passed by dome today and saw the delectable picture of their breakfast. My stomach grumble and I instantly want to eat it but with a couple of friends.

So anyone up for it this weekend?

what a weekend

Well it was Valentine weekend and nothing eventful happened. Went back to Malacca and hate those annoying chinos couple walking around on Saturday night at Jonker street. well yes I am a vengeful women. Couldn't they just be fine sitting around in a restaurant having dinner than walk around the town holding those stupid teddy bear?

I mean you could just well bloody leave it in the car,can't you? why do you have sort of flaunting it in front of me? Makes me want to step on you while you're looking the other way.

Okay enough about me ranting about those people.

Spend the weekend not sleeping watching chic flick such as Toll gate girl and music & lyrics. both my favorite favorite.

love the end of toll gate girl, " can't your mom be my mom, your tok be my tok, and your sibling and mak su be my family?" .

Seriously if there was a guy who said that me, I would just go and said this,(a secret from post secret)